coffee reads

I wonder

I wonder if we are all honest with what we are feeling. I mean, if we don’t have any fear to validate our feelings. Like when someone will ask if we are okay, we won’t pretend anymore to reply, “I’m okay. Thank you”. My Stat Psych professor once said that saying ‘okay’ is a central tendency bias. It means, there is something there, and if I would say

“I’m okay”,

Most of us

it’s not quite there.

I wonder if we can be honest with our feelings by saying what is in our minds to the person we want to exchange ideas with. Is it but easy to say of how huge of a desire we have to talk with them? But then we refuse to take the risk because once we get to cross that line, we might lose something. After all, we couldn’t find the same feelings they had within them as to ours. We are afraid of the unknown to be known.

I wonder if we can directly tell the person that we want them because we need them at a particular time of our lives. I wonder if we can ever have the courage to get off with our shyness and doubts and swim across boarders of honesty and vulnerability. Like opening up to them what we feel about them. It’s funny that the person we want to talk with are often the people we are having a hard time to communicate with. We know it could be done, but why is it hard to be honest with such people? We suddenly become liars without us intentionally doing it.

I wonder if the person who once asked us if we are okay or is there something wrong would feel our hidden longing to answer them we are not okay and there is something wrong. I wonder if we don’t act like we don’t care or if we didn’t lie about the answer behind the facade of our replies, I wonder what might their responses and where the conversation would lead you both into a much deeper connection.

I wonder if we stop leaving for reservations within us and spill our old thoughts that we kept for so many long time. I wonder if we have the courage enough to to tell them ‘I love you’ and or ‘you inspire me’, but then we are frightened to receive an unexpected answer. I wonder if there will come a day that we will become more transparent to such people. I wonder what would they respond and what would they feel and or think if they finally hear what we are keeping inside of us for so many long time.

I wonder. Because maybe, if we did, there were already a series of walk in the street under the moon, a table talk being enjoyed over a cup of coffee and or a cocktail, a stroll in the park, a visit on the ocean, a late dinner at Mcdo whilst digging up words of wisdoms, and maybe, just maybe, and endless connection between us and these people for our lifetime.

…and no, this isn’t really easy to say, but I just really wonder if we are honest enough with our feelings and its validity, then we could climb mountains we never had the idea of stepping to and swam oceans we never thought diving, in our entire lives.

…and maybe, just maybe it will change a fragment of our lives forever.

I wonder of these all, because it might have been we could wander even more.

Forever and always,

Kryzylle Nicole

hebrews 11:16

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