coffee reads

Maroon Jacket

You might be reading this now while raining outside your window. Well, if it isn’t raining, you can stop reading this instantly because it won’t like to touch your inner part if the weather is arid. Please, just stop.

Have you ever just met someone (well not exactly ‘met’ because they just passed by and gone) and then felt some ‘warmth of the familiar’ with their presence?

This scene happened whilst raining. My night class was just over. I was oriented to be frugal, that’s why I had to find a jeepney instead of a taxi to bring me to my destination. It has been like 25 minutes have passed, but there was no route 2 jeepney appeared. I changed places and stood on the part where vendors were present.

That night was also windy. You can imagine that I was playing along trying to feel like I was in one of those Hollywood movies. The hair on the wind experience. Looking aimlessly on the dark sky behind the huge buildings that seems didn’t matter that much to me at that time. In a nick of time, my head was moved in the right direction, helping me to see someone. I have seen someone, but an only half side of his face. There, someone wearing a maroon jacket, with his hood on, below was a black baseball cap worn together with the hood. It made me realized that the weather was really cold.

A guy. But he was kind of mysterious because he was silent in a way that I was surprised I noticed him in the middle of the crowd. I think it was only 4 seconds have passed when Route 2 Jeepney arrived. I went, half-heartedly disappointed that I wasn’t given the chance to see his whole face. Halfway on the rear part of the jeep as I was beginning to step my feet and make my place, I looked again on my back. There, he was too, walking. We were waiting for the same jeepney. He was just walking behind me.

That night maybe really fell on my silent assumptions and desires when passengers moved and leave the last part for me and for him. Yes, he sat beside me. On my right side. An awareness flooded on my mind that I never knew this guy, and I haven’t even met him once, but his presence was just something. The fabric on his maroon jacket touched slowly my right arms. I wasn’t electrified. No, in fact, it was so gentle and smooth and just so pure. To be honest, I loved the feeling when he sat on my side. His hands were clasped. I could say it is fully clasped if it isn’t because of an Artwork coin purse on his hand from the very start. He lends his vehicle fee to me, and in that passing of the coin, there was a kind moment.

The night was cold, but there was something so warm on his maroon jacket. A feeling of nostalgia in reverse was felt. Reverse. Reverse because I never felt that once. Reverse, because I knew I was longing for such, and haven’t felt that until that very moment. Reverse, because it was a feeling of longing for something to be felt, but hasn’t happened yet. Not until that time.

At that moment, I was sure that there was no crashing car phenomenon on my head, roller-coaster emotions, nor butterflies on my tummy. Just pure warmth of care, and yes, safety. That time, I knew it was not some ordinary level of infatuation, for I knew it’ll be gone before I believe it came. I was physically safe. I found it wonderful to have the chance to sit beside him even if he doesn’t know that I felt great. I can’t explain it. There was just something that was so connected between us. There was just…

I could’ve stayed there beside him for a long time, but it was time for me to step down from the vehicle. I still haven’t seen his whole face. Only his face’s half side. When I moved out, I can sense he too was looking at my exit.

Maybe, our jeepney route was the same, but our hearts weren’t. We were seated beside each other, but our lives weren’t for each other. But let me tell you that that moment was magical not because we talked nor he looked at me and say something. He never did. It was magical because he wasn’t looking at me, and he didn’t even know me. From then on, I have realized that the great feeling of secretly being comfortable with someone without them knowing it. I think it’s beautiful if you’re loving someone without them knowing it.

That guy with his jacket hood on, haven’t noticed me the way I noticed him, but he just filled that void inside me that time, and as much as he doesn’t, he also noticed me the other way around, or I just don’t know. The sweet comfort of his maroon jacket and the subtle encouragement of his presence that said love is yet to be discovered in so many ways like in a rainy night on a jeepney ride with busy people is still existent. I thank the Lord for that in-between-moments of joy that lasted for roughly 7 minutes.

That was the first and probably the last time I have seen him, and only half of his face. But I will be forever thankful for that moment of the ‘warmth of the familiar’. With that, I think it is enough for me to at least feel that once in my life. I think that is the beautiful consolation of meeting a person for the first and the last time, it’s the consoling feeling of gratefulness for a moment that happened, and will never happen again.

After all, it was just a rainy night.

Forever and always,

Kryzylle Nicole

hebrews 11:16

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