coffee reads

On Fixing

“Why are you fixing someone you don’t own?

…because maybe by fixing them, I can own them?”

I asked myself about this and answered it too.

It is impressive how our hearts can be that selfless at first, but then in the long run, sometimes we do things for the reason of wanting something in return.

It is part of our human mindset to care for someone who needs help. To worry if there is something that is bothering with someone’s mind. To extend help, at any cost, just to make someone feel better. Fixing somebody in pursuit of something I cannot name…maybe because we like them, in the very least.

I don’t see some wrong things about that. It’s good. However, if we find ourselves to the level of fixing someone’s burden in exchange for their presence for us to feel better, I guess it’s not that good to nestle our expectations.

I mean, when our phone is broken, we carry it to the Mobile Phone shop for it to be fixed, but we don’t let it rust there, right? We come back for a week and or the time they say our phone is ready to use again.

Same with people.

Some people come into our lives, broken.

Some are exhausted.

Some are sad.

Some are seeing hope as a flicker glass.

Some couldn’t identify what makes them overthink a particular thought.

And it’s funny how these people came across into our lives once, and we are INTO fixing them.

I don’t know, but I do now accept that people like them do come and go. And sometimes we seem to pretend that we are the doctors that could heal their sickness. We are the therapists that could ease their emotional struggles.

And if we sometimes label ourselves as these, we are hurting ourselves in the process of helping them to be the best version of themselves, but ended up not achieving such change. And if these changes occur to them, we find ourselves being alone again on the road because they are already well.

But in most cases, people like these don’t heal instantly, that’s why we long to let them stay for us to assess what is happening to them. But the sad truth that happens most of the time is that they leave without any obvious exit. And maybe some people don’t want to be fixed at all. And or maybe they won’t, but the kind of fixing that they wanted for so long doesn’t just come from you.

So, it’s okay, I guess. Because I think it is plausible to have let someone stay in your heart’s home to be healed for a while as he ventures his road of restlessness again, finding healing to the people he will be meeting within his journey.

They come sometimes for us to learn a lesson of letting go of something that isn’t worth fixing for, and or helping us realize of the words C.S Lewis said, “Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.”

The next time you come across someone broken, don’t think of fixing them to own them. Because you can never fix someone who declines himself to be fixed. The great consequence of indulging in such risk is that you lose yourself in the process of fixing people. You will break yourself trying to fix another.

That’s why it is much better to let them into your life with a solid thought that you’re not going to transform them, however, you’ll be a light to their dark tunnel for a while so that when they leave with or without a ‘goodbye’, it is easy for you to move on, for you know that only them could aid themselves until they pass through their life’s tunnel.

To be honest, you can only pray for them. That’s the only and best resort I could ever think to fix someone and to also fix yourself because I guess you too are already breaking yourself trying to fix someone.

Forever and always,

Kryzylle Nicole

hebrews 11:16

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