coffee reads

Struggle is Real so is God

It took me almost a minute before I typed these words you are reading now, and I thought of sharing something I can hardly put into words, but I’ll try. When facing struggles in life before, I always deal with it as some kind of ‘just let it pass’ nor I don’t even know if it is struggling because I don’t usually like experience stuff like ‘too big deal’ for me to entertain.

Now, It just has gotten into me. My closest uncle died last February of 2019. It was so painful to the point I don’t cry anymore, the pain is just so real, and if there’s any word to put it up, I guess it’s something that hasn’t yet discovered in the history of the alphabet. That pain still lingers to me up to these days because of his death’s root. I learned to shake it off because I know life must go on. Just this June, college starts and I am honest that it’s harder than I thought it was in terms of living independently. I cant hardly stand up from bed in the first two weeks (even now, as I am writing this) due to indescribable ache caused by ‘homesickness’.

I was getting along because I know its normal. Though it is a developmental struggle I should cope with, the feeling of ‘fear’ really is present. Just last few weeks, one of my closest friends, Leyvan, died. The feeling of homesickness was doubled due to his death. The memories are hunting me like it wants to kill me with sadness upon remembering him and all that. It was pretty painful because he became so attached to me, and to face this life without him, I doubt that it would be half as interesting as it is with him. I was pleasing the Lord before he died that if it may be done, he won’t let Leyvan be gone because the pain from my uncle’s death is still daunting, and I can’t just imagine myself balancing all that.

I don’t know what ‘kind’ of struggles you’re facing now, friends. It might be paralleled to mine, or lesser than this or greater than this, still, we all have this struggle that is just so real to be unreal. Last few days, I was still really worried it would affect me big time, but I often heard the Lord whispers that I shouldn’t go through these all alone. I was tired and afflicted because I thought I was carrying it all alone, but not at all! He was, and is and will be with me always, and all the time.

Sometimes it’s just so dark not because He is away, but because He is TOO close on covering us with His wings.

Now, honestly, it isn’t making sense. Though a bit, yes, but there’s hope eh. And I guess that’s the very thing that gears us all whenever we are in deep pain of suffering of all sorts. That hope that starts a spark amidst the homesickness, the lacking, the sadness, and of the death of a loved one. Thank God because we don’t need to figure these all out for us to know it does make sense, for it is His last word that will determine its relevance someday.

Sure, I am not okay. Well, are you? No one is okay in this deadly world. We can only find comfort and peace in the presence of the Lord (Truest of all) in our in-between- moments of pain. It does make sense tho that we are not for here because we are supposed to be on some other Place where Jesus intends us to be.

Struggles are so real, but God is even real. There is hope behind these all. And if you sow in tears, the Bible said that you will reap in joy.

I can’t explain it all here, but that’s it. This world isn’t just ours, but we have to go on and finish our races too.

After all, these struggles might be the hurdles for us to jump higher to reach that finish line even faster.

Written this on 17th of July 2019

Forever and always,

Kryzylle Nicole

hebrews 11:16

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