coffee reads

2nd of July 2020

It’s 1:41 am. Is this because of coffee that I cannot sleep until now, or maybe deep down, I have a reason why? Of course it has to be because of the coffee. It is stimulant, and it demands my body to be awakened.

I ran out of journals, so I am writing in here, besides this is free, so, yeah. They day before this day was pretty good. I worked with my academics and I was getting inlove with Psychology even more. I thank God for letting me know about a lot of things—I mean, the human behavior.

We tackled about Freud in our Theories of Personality today and I came across with the defense mechanisms. Lately this night when I was working with my worksheets, I realized I have been using A LOT OF DEFENSE MECHANISMS. I am not aware of that, of course, because it happened in the unconscious—-usually. It is how we cope up with stress and unpleasant situations.

I could not just imagine if I did not taken this Psychology program. I mean, maybe now I am distressed by a lot of things already. Upon refreshing my mind about these defense mechanisms, I have realized all this time, these mechanisms save my emotions way too well. Especially on the part of facing the ‘letting go”, ‘moving on’, ‘does he feels the same way?’ thoughts. I mean, that is just an aspect I am trying to display. But really, if I am not trying my best to train my mind to see above my feelings, I would be paralyzed by hopeless uncertainties by now.

One of the perks of studying the human behavior is you get to understand a lot. You have reservoirs to every negative emotions around you, you get to carry drums of patience in trying to get along with people, and on top of all, you have these sets of options in your heart that if someone came into your life and seemingly drifting with mixed signals, you are likely to hope and try seeing it with more possibilities, because you can’t just stop having lots of ‘hypothesis’ —-hidden and subtle assumptions of why it happened.

I know that in thermodynamics, perpetual motion does not exists, but to my thoughts right now, it keeps on generating. I really don’t know what to say or how to put these thoughts into much clearer words, but one thing I knew I have an opium within me that stimulates my inside and I need not any object or person to add to this stimulus.

…and oh, maybe this is after all, due to a cup of coffee.

Good night/ morning.

Always and forever,

Kryzylle Nicole 💛

hebrews 11:16

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