some moments

How to Move on from someone you have not dated?

As someone who has not been able to try ‘dating’ since birth. Literally no “connection towards boys and have lunch with them or the like”, love is something that is too fragmented for me. Never have I experienced someone inviting me into a dinner, and or someone reaching out to me in the pursuit of ‘courting’ me. No big deal, because I was not really into that. I was into crushing towards people, and when I do, I put a high degree of weight in terms of admiring them— mostly from afar. That is because of all things I usually fall into, I am ALWAYS crushing over towards someone who can’t in the world feel the same thing. Like ever since people that I like don’t just feel the same way. Sure, there are few people who said they like me, but I could not pretend to feel the same way because I just don’t feel the same way towards them, and it is not really good to pretend that I like them where in fact I don’t really do (friends might to, but beyond that, I could not give more) and that is sad because I feel that my rejections towards them are the same rejection I am subtly getting from the few people I had feelings for.

I said this once and I am saying it again that falling in love with someone who cannot return your feelings is like torture to one’s feelings. If I ain’t exaggerating, it seems like you are swimming against the current of water. Emotionally dragging. Sad. Dreadful bond. 

But I am not going to end this article in a way that is sad, and I, too want to see this towards a good view because what choice do I have? I am thinking 3 points on how to move on from someone who does not feel the same way towards you. (Or you haven’t even dated) this might not or might be applicable to you, but I hope you will get a little something that will give you peace of mind after reading and exiting on this little corner.

  1. Rejection is Redirection

Cliche as it might sounds, but this is true. Imagine that you are waiting for a vehicle to ride on upon going home. You waited so much you started to wear out. There’s one van that passed by, but it didn’t stop. Another bus was on the road nearby but as soon as you wave to indicate ‘stop’, it moved fast passing you by, again. Then another one came, but the same thing! Haha. So, you walk on the road with a heavy heart due to some series of rejection. Later on, you received a call from a friend saying that there are a series of vehicles that have been involved in a crash. Your series of rejections is actually redirecting you from an unseen danger. Back to my crush case, when I was confronted that someone cannot really feel the same way towards me and when I knew that this particular person loves someone else, I really don’t want to believe the phrase, “Rejection is redirection”, that is because I ‘was into this person’ and letting this person go is not just that easy. But I tried to believe in that anyway. I may not know what’s the reason behind, but one thing I know is that there must be really something else why this is not working. And I would really like to believe that it is for the good thing. Saving me from a possible and unseen crash. It might currently give me heavy feelings and will somehow question my worth, believing that this rejection might lead me into a safe road. 

2. Validate your Feelings

Sometimes we people are so good at pretending. So when we knew a person is not feeling the same way towards us, we suppressed it, hiding like it’s okay. This is not good. Because the more we seem to suppress it, the more it will likely blast into various reactions. Some reaction is awful if not being handled well. We will not surpass it if we uphold it into constant suppression. Let’s not be afraid to face the truth. The truth will always set us free. So what if we will be slapped about the reality that they don’t feel the same way? So what if they don’t like us?

We still have our guards and control our feelings, right? Feel it to the brim. Feel the truth that you are hurt because you expected they might feel the same way. Feel the fact that you are disappointed, sad, rejected. Validate it. My friend Nicole Marie once told me about the importance of validating one’s feelings, that kind to be validated by ourselves. Through validation, there will be a solution. Because you’ll never know the solution until a problem is presented. If pain is the problem, then feel all the pain until it hurts no more. Do not pretend that you are okay because you are not. This is not bad doing this sometimes.

If faced with a negative thing, we must confront it with the acceptance that it is negative. Don’t try to fabricate it. Just let it flow. Painful? Feel free to cry if that will be a good coping mechanism. Sad? Write it out! Or say it loud talking to the mirror dropping your true feelings at the moment. Validate it, and then your mind will know what’s making you into such and might help you in anyway. Also, share your feelings towards someone you trust. I have a friend named Danny who has given me a way to drop my feelings off as if I am talking to the same person that I like. The technique is to talk to Danny (my friend) and tell him the truth about what I felt. It is some kind of a mock conversation towards the person whom I had feelings for but failed to do the same thing and in this way, I had to say the truth about what I really felt but also failed to say it to the real person. So, Danny gets the real words in compensation to the “supposed to be the real person” I wanted to spill my thoughts out, and Danny would respond to me saying words that would lead me to accept it because yes, what choice do I have? 

3. ACCEPTANCE. 

I don’t have to explain that. That’s the shortest point I could think and say, and also one of the hardest things to do. But do it anyway. There is no other choice.

P.S

Prayer helps a lot. A LOT. When the “moving on” techniques in this world fail, God will never be.

Happy moving on from-someone-who-isn’t-yours-at-the- very-first-place. 

Always and forever,

Kryzylle Nicole

hebrews 11:16

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