jar of poetries

3rd of May 2022

“If pain demands to be felt, I might be feeling it a little longer now.”


A mundane Tuesday night is supposed to be her coffee, her favorite theologians’ Youtube channel’s watch time, and the warm red sofa in their living room, but that certain Tuesday night, something came up.


It was the light.


She thought it’s gonna be a joyous night, yet the light suddenly was dimmed. She doesn’t know why. When she introspected it, the light was too dim for her to see the reality.

Sometimes it turned very glorious she thought it will never gonna fade, but that night, it changed.


The light swept through the girl’s memory as it is trying to make her remember something.

Something that the girl does not know, yet she is about to know.


clashed.


dimmed.


glorious.


dimmed.


dimmed.


dimmed.


dimmed…


until all was left was a hanging apology of why the light turned to be the shadow she was once very afraid of.


The shadow appeared right beside the light, making it possible for the girl to see the many reflections it offers.


Mirage.
Nuances.


And then from that moment on, the girl knew all of her realities are indeed concepts that controlled her view about the light.


It wasn’t light after all.

It was a shadow hiding in the light.


She knew she has to depart before it consumes her, but even if she wants to drift, the pieces of sparks brought by the light continues to haunt her she couldn’t sleep, it haunts her so painfully good she could not feel the right amount of pain to be felt.


That night, the shadow offered a promising metal that is way too good for the skin to touch, only that with much force rooting from her indescribable, melancholic emotions.


“Couldn’t you fight a little bit more for this?” the girl asked the light.


But as soon as she spoke those words, the light was gone, leaving her hanging all alone, grasping for air in the dark.

hebrews 11:16

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