coffee reads

i’m out of words

It’s been like forever. Honestly, I don’t even know how to start this because I always feel numb when I started to do things that I have to. I lost track of writing, clearly. I haven’t had my daily journal where I am supposed to be writing even the slightest details of my day. All of my days have been slipped. Passed away. Sift through like millions of dust from my fingers, as I watch them passing away from my very own fingers, I cannot help but to watch with sadness and despair knowing I can’t retrieve them when tomorrow comes.

It’s been like forever. To be on this state. Where focus can be accessed more like 2/10 everyday. I can’t work with academics that well. A sweep on the floor can be equated to major achievement of the day. I can’t find the right words to fit what I am going through. Maybe it is terrifying or sadness or numbness or nothingness. There might be some nerves inside my head that need to be straightened up in pursuit of well adaptive function. Co’z I am okay today, but tomorrow the same thing happens. I noticed a pattern.

It’s been like forever. That book I am reading. I can’t even finish it, and for me to jump on to another book is a disgrace. I don’t know, maybe I can’t finish this write ups because once in a while I would be unfortunately bored. Of course, I can do a usual homework for an hour or so, but now for what I can finish for an hour, it extends to a week or two.

It’s been like forever. I thought today is Monday, and Monday would mean pressure. I can’t even remember today’s date. Is it August what? August 8 or 9? Probably the year is 2022. So if you EVER find yourself like me, like this, without any logical reason why you’re feeling this? Well, we are on the same boat, and I just hope we will row it well. I don’t know until when I am like this, but one thing I know that I am doing the best that I can to literally move and be aware of my situation, because I do really want to be better than this.

Do you ever feel like this? Send me a message, and I hope we can have a good talk. I NEED a good talk.

Love,

Nicole

hebrews 11:16

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