sincerely, kryz

10th of April 2023

10th of April 2023

~

Dear Reader,

how does a psych major rant?

i guess it is my nature not to fight back when i am being attacked. whether it is on criticisms, false accusations, or the typical hate speech from people. i hold on to this value ever since, because i’ve always wanted to maintain a good reputation no matter what. however, this value was challenged when i was falsely accused as the reason for other relationships’ parting. worse, the opponent circulated all that within its power to splash out-of-context, illogical, and immoral “evidence” just to fit into their notion of me being a third party. for pete’s sake, I could NEVER imagine myself like that. the false information did not stop. they are making their own man-made ripple— they’re so good at it.

i want to protect myself and preserve my integrity because i’ve always wanted to be a woman of values. still, the current of the opposition seemed so strong i could not handle it alone. Many talks were made between my mother and me, and even my father gave his advice. my aunts and cousin, a law graduate, thought about a lawsuit. you know, it is never easy to be accused of something you haven’t done; thus, if it doesn’t stop, we don’t have a choice but to file one. but i did not agree to this because i knew they were still friends at the end of the day, and i didn’t want to see them suffer.

i just don’t like the part where they could be so careless. a LOT of gossip about us have happened, and it scars me until now, especially since none of them is ever true— unless they thwarted it the way they like. it’s funny they put it as “God’s will” how things are revealed to them well; in fact, they made a clear self-sufficient will there. gossip, getting through someone’s private conversations, and chatting with people first just to get information are never GOD’s way of unfolding things. they literally put the matter in their hands. you know what GOD’s providence is? staying still until you know it’s time to act.

i guess they got it wrong because the ways of the LORD are blameless and perfect. it’s funny that those people by whom they ask questions and speculate are those who told me too what they’ve been doing. i don’t have to ask for it, but GOD seems to be putting it on my lap that the opposition has been spreading rumor, subtly asking for sympathy and looking petty with how they act— the way these have been revealed to me is a clear indication that it is GOD intervening through situations.

so, instead of ranting through social media and subtly spreading the emotional turmoil they’ve caused me, i had to schedule a talk with our school’s guidance counselor and tell her what happened.

“stick with your truth, you know what happened.” these are powerful words because sometimes the opposition is pretty convincing i had to give up and let them win, but i manage to stick with such belief. i noticed the gossip and the subtle accusations never stop, so i had to incorporate my feelings into one of our requirements. we had an advanced developmental psychology subject in graduate school. we were tasked to make an analytical paper from the topics we discussed.

i had to write my first analytical paper about the opposition since i needed NOT to do the same thing they’d been doing. i also don’t want to revenge. so i tried to single out the paper to the opposition’s state of maturity despite her age and how she handled things. i storied what happened on the paper and saw it through freud, erikson, and piaget’s theories. i was validated because i got a perfect score on that paper. miraculously, the rest of the analytical papers were all perfect scores! what’s amazing? the rest of the requirements got high scores too. my final grade on this subject is 1.0.

idk about you, but if it happens you're in the same situation as me, don't exchange rude things over rude things. better yet, be quiet and think. think a lot. you can do something else just not do exchanging of  hate and rudeness.  it's okay to be emotional, but it won't get you anywhere. it'll only hurt feelings and, worse, ruin someone's reputation out of such selfish emotional hurt. channel your pain to something the society can benefit from and or something to be transformed as wholesome despite the haunting source of such motivation. this is also what freud calls 'sublimation'. it is one of the defense mechanisms against anxiety. 

i want you to know that you are not alone. i have been accused. the other person who is related to me even was accused. if this happens that this is you too, i need you to believe in your “truth.” i know you know exactly what happened. stick to that. never let their guilt trip break your walls. you have to be stronger than those lies circling around and against you. tap yourself in the back and begin again. i know the fangs of betrayal and accusations, and they are extremely hurtful, but i need you to believe you are not alone in this trial. once you establish this firm belief of sticking to your “truth,” the rest shall follow. you won’t be bothered in as much.

lastly, if you are tired of carrying the weight alone. give it to GOD. a lot of times, i have been crying out to HIM. i always believe that HE is the GOD of justice, and HE shall make plain what is right one day. maybe not now, but real soon, in HIS time. you got to believe that GOD is an all-knowing GOD. HE knew all the things being talked about you and even the things you have been through. maybe not today, but take heart, little soul; your name shall be cleaned in the minds of people whose been saturated by lies. all of this shall be renewed because HE knew what happened, and HE shall accomplish to protect your integrity for HIS name’s sake.

for now, please stay kind. don’t do the mean things they have been doing. let us end the cycle now here with us. somebody truly made them cold, and we don’t know what that is, and maybe they are just too blinded from reality now, but i am asking you to please be kind. if i had the chance, i would turn into this dragon that shall fire the damage they have done, but no. i was not made for that. i want to be logical and don’t want to be carried by emotions.

so i am writing this letter now for you to get something from and also just a form of a formal rant. idk if there’s something like that, but yes, this is a gentle rant i am doing. and this is how a psych major rants.

have a truly restful night.

Grace be upon you.

Good night, dear reader.

Sincerely,
Kryz.

hebrews 11:16

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