sincerely, kryz

31st of May 2023

Dear Reader,

i have not been faithful in writing blogs these days, but i guess i have to write for now in lieu of my absences.

lol. wow. 23. i always wanted to stay 22 though. except that Taylor wonderfully quoted, “i don’t know about you, but i’m feeling 22.” and, “confused and lonely at the same time.” which really becomes a validation card for my 22 years… 22 can be a perfect year to put my childhood dreams into perspective. however, things aren’t going the same as i imagined, perhaps, you can attest to this too.

With the unending works of entropy in the course of this world, we can be certain that we will have different paths than what we have in mind. growing up, i have ALWAYS wanted to be a pop star. like Kiara from ‘Barbie and the Popstar’. that sort of having an album with my written songs & singing live. This drastically changed when I faced the reality that the Philippines isn’t Nashville (unless I will move there like Taylor Swift.) I started to think practically since different crossroads offer options.

Then Psychology came into view. Before going to college, I actually had in mind (still) to study music, but it is kinda costly, and everyone around me didn’t see this as something useful in the future. I went along with Psychology. I didn’t stop with a college degree. I am currently a grad school student taking up a Masters in Science in Clinical Psychology in pursuit of wanting to be a licensed psychologist. Sure, I fell in love with this course more when some people asked for my ears to listen to their unheard voices (thanks to Jesse, Patrick, and Ma’am Elaiza!) who really made an impact on my desire to pursue this field even more. The trust given to me is priceless— it allows me to move with a deep purpose, which is why I started studying human behavior.

However, psychology isn’t really the core of my goal, it isn’t even a childhood dream. That is why I am faced with the fear that one day my childhood dream might hunt me down. It did. In the last few months, I have not been comfortable with the thought of letting my written songs sit on a dusted shelf inside my worn-out journal. I haven’t always believed in myself, especially this, but it is haunting me to do something about it. In the last few weeks, in the midst of academic critique papers & social media content creation, the urge to pick up my pen and journal to write a song just happened.

I mean, I don’t even have to make an effort. I wrote naturally. With just one thought, everything follows. I guess I wrote songs for an album in the last few weeks. Betrayal. Unrequited affection. Love. Annoyance. But since grad school is demanding to its core, I left it there… as always. Now, turning 23 is supposed to be happy, but something is missing. The music. That childhood dream. It didn’t come to pass. Maybe i got lost in priorities. Clearly, music isn’t a priority for me.

Thus, it is just right that I feel this way. But… I never want to dwell on sad things, so maybe this year is going to be filled with academic papers amidst playing piano, or perhaps a crossover between psychometric tests and composing a song about depression. Whatever it is, I shall make sure that music— as the younger version of BD might always imagine it to be — shall be a genesis of a harmonious crossover between music and psychology.

all for the GLORY of GOD.

thank you, everyone, for all of your warm greetings.

…and to you, reader, for keeping up with me until now.

Sincerely with love,

Kryz.

hebrews 11:16

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