Looking at our old photos can bring tremendous nostalgia. Not just nostalgia but versions of ourselves that we tend to forget along the way in pursuit of becoming the version that we dream of. There are times when we can question our purpose here on earth. These are times when we just go with the flow without deliberate thoughts about our whereabouts.
Autopilot days. And oh, how I always resent autopilot days. It is daunting to experience having the same feelings every day with tasks we overlook as weightful than light opportunities.
Often, we lose our wonder and, even more, the hope of having beautiful days ahead. As humans, our environment could play a massive role in these changes within us. Disappointing events can be one—factors like health, relationships that are over and even broken dreams.
Recently, looking back on my old Instagram stories in the archive, I noticed a considerable shift. That is, the person I was six or seven years ago was not that grand or successful. It was a person filled with hope for her tomorrow and, more than that, a person who is a little lower than obsessed with gratitude. Then again, I know what’s missing in the person I am now—the ability to see things through the lenses of a grateful heart.
Before, having just a wildflower handed down to me or me catching the sunset was already a big deal; now, even if I have decent things or opportunities, I shut it off like it is a problem and a mere responsibility.
Whenever I feel so bad and ungrateful, I always look at my archives (I also have plenty of journals, so except with the social media’s archives, I grabbed a read of a journal entry and read it), then often than not, surprised how huge of a changed I have become to be. It is not that little girl anymore who used to love stationaries and stickers so much and liked to copy Belle’s singing in her provincial life; it is often the emotionless and ungrateful persona I never expected I would become eventually.
That is why I always tell it when I jump off from this realisation that my old version of self prepared me so much to become my hero, as it did not fail to encourage me when I encountered the fangs of my current self. It seems they are always in conflict with my old version as actually the truthful one. I’m not a fan of Carl Jung, but his archetypes sometimes overlap.
I do not mean narcissistically speaking or whatnot; I always owe my past self for those versions from the past are way better in seeing things beautifully, laced with wisdom and brimmed with a dedication to simple pursuits of life, which made those past years worthwhile. It seems like I am growing backward somehow from the past.
True, our past selves might not be as skilful as we are now, and the network was not that large in scope, but the primary thing a successful person can have to succeed in life wildly with those past versions. I think it is the values. And then again, it got me.
These values guide us from the start as to why we do what we do. It becomes the fuel to steer the wheel of dreams and probably bring us where we are right now, here and now. Although there are times we forget this, as the current world offers lots of influencing candidates in its wide stage, I hope we can never forget still that the most extraordinary person we can have inspiration with when times get tough and compromise of authenticity lures in, that once, a simpler version of ourselves was there dreaming big and counting on us. Aslan and Mufasa are two literary figures who remind me of a powerful message.
In the sequel of Lewis’ book The Chronicles of Narnia, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when Lucy was trying to be someone else (her sister Susan), Aslan confronted her, saying,
“You doubt your value, don’t run from who you are.”
Such gave Lucy the wake-up call that she her current selfish desire shadowed her real identity. It’s the same in some ways in Disney’s The Lion King. When Simba feared becoming a King, Mufasa reminded him,
“Remember who you are.”
These phrases are pretty simple, but they carry such weight to hit us with a realisation.
While these two great lions’ characters gave such inspiration to the world of literature and film about identity, Someone, two thousand years ago, also the Lion from the tribe of Judah, has made it possible for us to bring back our real identities in GOD, that is through CHRIST, we are clothed in righteousness. We are a child of GOD—a promising thing to spark hope against the dying embers of our frailty and depravity as humans.
I like my past version, its values and determination, but I know it is still with me up until now. Maybe the old version of me is just sleeping or observing what I must do when I finish my coffee or what I shall do with my remaining hours before I go to sleep. What I know is that it is counting on me as it did not fail to remind me of why we ever began.
And to you, I know somehow you also feel the same. A piece of you was gone with the earth’s ebbs and flows, but I hope you can return to the child in you whenever you feel this way. It will give more wisdom than the constant chatter of your current overthinker mind.
In what ways do you miss your old version? Grab an old photo right now after reading this or go back to an archive of your Instagram or Facebook’s account to begin a contemplation.
Sincerely,
Kryz
P.S Will try my best to write often here! Have your coffee and read some books. Always keep the faith.
P.P.S What I meant of the ‘old version’ here is not the sinful nature of our hearts, okay? For sure, I don’t wanna go back from such! However, how it meant it here is the metaphor of the child we were in terms of our hopes, dreams and innocence. That’s it. Thanks!
Beautifully written!!
thank you, neng!!